Cramming for exam tomorrow.

Stretch arms upw - HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WHAT IS THAT ?

MY ARMPITS SMELL TERRIBLE.

NOT LIKE, OOOOH I AM SO SWEATY. I JUST WENT FOR A RUN IN SUMMER, GET ME TO A SHOWER PRONTO. LOOK AT ME, I’M SO SWEATY AND GROSS BUT DAMMIT I AM AN AMAZING PERSON FOR GOING ON A RUN AND NOW I CAN JUDGE ALL THE NON STINKY PLEBS WHO HAVEN’T EXERCISED TODAY.

NOT LIKE, OOOOH I’VE BEEN TOO LAZY TO SHOWER BUT HAVE SNEAKILY CONCEALED THIS BY WASHING MY HAIR BY STANDING WITH ONLY MY HEAD IN THE SHOWER AND SHAMPOOING AND CONDITIONING. AND DROWNING MYSELF IN DEODERANT/ANTIPERSPERANT BUT IT’S GOTTEN TO THAT TIME OF NIGHT WHEN I’M ABOUT TO GO TO BED AND ALL THE SPRAY SMELL HAS WORN OFF AND I’M JUST LEFT TO CONTEMPLATE HOW MUCH I GROSS MYSELF OUT.

NOT LIKE, OOOOH DEAR TOO MUCH SEX (SORRY, INTERCOURSE) AND CONSEQUENT SWEATY SPOONING ON THIS BED, WITH TOO LITTLE SHEETS-WASHING. KIND OF MAKES ME FEEL BADASS FROM SKINS THOUGH SO I MIGHT LEAVE IT A LITTLE WHILE LONGER.

NOT LIKE, OOOOH TIIIIS THE TIME FOR YEEAST INFEEECTIONS, FA LA LA LA LAAA, LA LAA LA LAAAA. I SUPPOSE I SAW THIS COMING WHEN I DECIDED ROOM ON GLENFERRIE WAS MY FAVOURITE VENUE.

NOT LIKE, OOOOH I LEFT MY LUNCHBOX IN MY LOCKER OVER SCHOOL CAMP AND THE WEEKENDS BEFORE AND AFTER SO NOW I THINK I’M GOING TO BE STARRING IN THE NEXT EVOLUTION MOVIE OR SOMETHING BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS HELL STINKY BUT ALSO GROWING AT AN ALARMING RATE, BUT WHAT ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO MUM WAS GOING TO TAKE AWAY MY LUNCH MONEY IF SHE FOUND OUT I ONLY ATE CANTEEN FOOD INSTEAD OF THE FOOD SHE GETS UP EARLY TO MAKE FOR ME.

NOT LIKE, OOOOH NO I STEPPED IN SHIT. OH I STEPPED IN SHIT. I’VE BEEN WALKING AROUND FOR TWO HOURS AND NOW I HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG I’VE HAD SHIT ON MY SHOE. I BET SHOP ASSISTANTS HAVE BONDED OVER NICKNAMING ME ‘POO GIRL’ OR ‘FAECES FEMALE’ OR ‘NOT-WEE NOT-MAN’. WHAT KIND OF DOG OWNER ALLOWS THEIR PET TO CRAP ON SWANSTON ST ? I BET THIS HAPPENED WHILE I WAS TRYING TO IMPRESS THOSE HIPSTERS.

NOT LIKE, OOOOH GROSS I JUST WENT WAY TOO CLOSE TO THAT HOBO GUY AND NOW I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT ROTTING PISS AND ALCOHOL SMELL LIKE WHEN COMBINED, 2 PARTS WEE AND 1 PART BOOZE. POTENTIALLY A DASH OF BEARD MOULD SEASONING AND TOOTH DECAY JUICE*.

NOT LIKE, OOOOH MY GOD I JUST OPENED UP THE COMPOST BIN AT THE BACK OF THE YARD AND I THE ONLY THING STOPPING ME FROM PASSING OUT IS THE FEAR OF PASSING OUT RIGHT INTO THAT BIN AND BEING ENGULFED BY COMPOST AND POPPING OUT THE OTHER END INTO A LAND OF COMPOST WHERE I LEARN ABOUT SOME TURMOIL AND CONSEQUENT UPRISING WHICH IS ALL BECAUSE I PUT MEAT AND ORANGE PEEL IN ONE TIME AND NOW ALL THE RESIDENTS OF COMPOST LAND ARE BEING OPPRESSED SOMEHOW.

NOT LIKE, OOOOH PUBLIC TRANSPORT.

NOT LIKE, OOOOH I JUST HAD MY BRACES REMOVED AND DAMN TWO YEARS IS A LONG TIME FOR FOOD TO JUST SIT THERE AND WAS THIS GROSSNESS REALLY ALL IN MY MOUTH THAT IS REALLY DISGUSTING BUT OH WOW MY TEETH ARE SMOOTH. SMOOTH SMOOTH STINKY TEETH.

NOT LIKE, OOOOH I JUST SPILT NAIL POLISH REMOVER DOWN THE SIDE OF MY BED POST AND I’M REALLY SCARED OF THE FUMES BUT I’M ALSO REALLY SLEEPY. MAYBE BECAUSE OF THE FUMES. I DON’T WANT TO GET BRAIN DAMAGE. BUT I REALLY WANT TO SLEEP. I DON’T WANT TO SLEEP WITH MY HEAD ON THE OTHER END BECAUSE WHAT IF MY NAIL POLISH SOMEHOW RUBS OFF ? FUMES.

NOT LIKE, OOOOH WHYYYYYYYY IS AMMONIA A THING ? WHYYYYY IS CHEMISTRY LAB A THING ?? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS AND WHO LEFT THEIR TEST TUBE OPEN YOU SICK FREAK, THAT IS RANK. SO RANK. EUGH. USE THE FUME-HOOD YOU PIECE OF STUPID.

So much worse.