animalstalkinginallcaps:

GOOD AFTERNOON, MR. PEMBROOK. I HAVE THE INFORMATION YOU REQUESTED.

I FEARED FOR A MOMENT THAT I WOULD BE DISCOVERED WHEN MS. HOUGHTON COULDN’T FIND HER POST-IT NOTES, BUT WILLIAM TANNER FROM ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE HAS A KEY TO THE SUPPLY CLOSET, WHICH IS ONLY THE BEGINNING OF YOUR WORRIES. THIS OFFICE IS CORRUPT, MR. PEMBROOK. I FEAR NO ONE IS INNOCENT. 

PETTY THEFT, PERSONAL PHONE CALLS, INTERDEPARTMENTAL AFFAIRS (OF THE SEXUAL VARIETY) … THE LIST IS ENDLESS.

AND THE I.T. DEPARTMENT, MY GOD. THAT WHOLE FLOOR OF THE BUILDING SHOULD BE SEALED OFF AND BURNED WITH ALL EMPLOYEES INSIDE.

TAKE A SEAT, MR. PEMBROOK, WHILE I ORGANIZE MY NOTES. POUR YOURSELF A DRINK IF YOU WISH. WE ARE GOING TO BE HERE FOR QUITE SOME TIME.

At the precise moment I tried to stifle my laughter at this, I realised I needed to pee more than anything in the world.

I have discovered that the sounds made while stifling laughter and those associated with vocally willing oneself not to pee one’s pants while running to the bathroom (sans forming actual words) are very similar.